


An Old Life

by FriendlyFlower



Series: Mental Illness Centric Content [2]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: AO3 Tags - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Magic, Backstory, Birthday, Birthday Presents, Character Development, Childhood Trauma, Confusion, Diary/Journal, Domestic Violence, F/M, Foreshadowing, Gift Fic, Guidance Counselors, High School, I know I'm supposed to Show instead of Tell, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Torture, Insanity, Loss of Trust, Medical Trauma, Monika is a bit of a weirdo at the start, Monika's Backstory, POV Female Character, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Prequel, Psychological Trauma, Punishment, Revenge, Sadism, Tags Are Fun, Trauma, Trust Issues, Victim Blaming, Whether Monika is a reliable narrator or not is up for debate, actually i think she's like that for the whole story, but it's hard to do that for diary stories, but then again so am i lol, especially at the end, so just read this with a grain of salt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-19 14:47:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22546003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FriendlyFlower/pseuds/FriendlyFlower
Summary: Prequel to (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411071) and (https://archiveofourown.org/works/21491326)Monika might be messed up, but she wasn’t born that way. How did she fall so far from reality? Read to find out!
Series: Mental Illness Centric Content [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1322702
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	An Old Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThatGuyWhoPlaysIsaac](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatGuyWhoPlaysIsaac/gifts).



> Please read all tags before preceeding. Thanks!

September 22, 2017

Dear Diary,

you’re probably wondering what’s going on, right? After all, this is the first time ink has flowed on your paper.

Well, Mom bought you for me because today is my birthday! Today, I’m 17.

I could go on about the reasons why she bought you as my gift, but to cut a long story short, she doesn’t trust me. She won’t say it, but ever since she caught me writing smut, she assumes anything I write is innapropriate. I bet she’ll secretly read my diary when I’m at school!

So, I probably won’t write in you very often. If I do, it’ll be something that I won’t care if she reads.

Talk to you later.

Sayonara, Monika

  
  
  


January 1, 2018

Dear Diary,

Today is not my day.

First, my Mom and Dad were yelling at each other.

  
  
  
  


Again.

Then, my Dad and Mom got into a fight.

  
  
  


Yet again.

I don’t even know what they were fighting about.

All I heard was my mom screaming and my Dad yelling about how “hard his life is.”

I don’t know if this is healthy or not. Are people supposed to rule over another? If so, then who is supposed to rule over who? Is it the strong vs. weak? I don’t get it.

I want it to stop.

I need it to stop.

  
  


But what can I do about it?

Bye, Monika

  
  
  


February 14, 2018

Dear Diary,

I don’t like this. I don’t get this.

Is this normal? I don’t even know.

Dad has a lot of bottles laying around. They seem to increase every day, like the fighting.

Kids complain in school every day about how Depressed they are and how hard their lives are, but I think they just want attention.

Fuck, I hate this.

I don’t know if I can keep ignoring this.

Monika

  
  
  


Dear Diary,

what day is it? i can’t remember right now. what’s goingon? i can’t breathe.

  
  
  
  
  


i need to breathe.

  
  
  
  
  


why can’t i breathe?

  
  


Okay.

Get it together.

I sound crazy.

Just relax.

I think I heard something I wasn’t supposed to hear.

I heard yelling. I’m getting used to it.

However, I wanted to know why they keep fighting. Curosity killed the girl, I guess.

I listened through my parents’ bedroom door.

Their was this… this… just sickening sound. I think it was moaning, but not in a normal way. Almost in a painful way. Like… you can’t even process what’s happenning to you?

I heard Dad saying, “You shouldn’t have dressed like that if you didn’t want it,” or something like that.

Kids in school say they’re Depressed, that they hurt themselves, but they’re all just a bunch of attention whores.

I’m going to stop this, no matter what it takes.

No matter who I become.

Monika

  
  
  


I checked the school library today. I was looking for books about Domestic Abuse, you know, what to do in that situation.

I found a book filled with spells instead.

There’s a lot of good spells in here, but I think the spell that interests me the most is a size changing spell.

Just think about it. How vulnerable and pathetic would my father, or rather the abomination of one I have, be if I shrank him?

He couldn’t do anything.

Nothing.

He’d understand how vulnerable we feel (me and my mom).

Everyone would understand.

  
  
  


It worked! The spell- it worked! He’s so small. He’s so scared. I can’t hear exactly what he’s saying, but I think he’s trying to beg for forgiveness? And pleading for his life?

As if that’d work.

  
  
  


He took everything from me.

I needed guidance. I needed a loving family.

  
  
  
  
  


He took that from me.

  
  
  


I’ll never forgive him.

  
  
  


I’ll never let him off the hook!

  
  
  


Today, I’ve decided to bring my book to school.

I’ll punish those people who think their lives are so hard.

I love the power. They can’t do anything.

They’re helpless. They’ll be given really hard lives.

I think I have a mental problem, but you know what?

I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care at all. They deserve it for being so weak. They deserve it for crying and faking their “Depression.” They deserve for being alive.

I’m so happy. I’m so excited.

If they don’t want to be my slaves, they can die.

I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love

  
  
  


When I graduate, I’ll use my magic to do whatever I want. I’ll become a guidance counseller. I’ll be popular. I’ll keep whoever I want and kill them whenever I get bored with it.

I’ll wipe out the competition. Extreminate like bugs.

I’ll be the person who brings justice.

Not even the universe itself could stop me!

Life can try, but nothing can stop me.

I have the whole world in my hand.

Nothingness itself can’t stop me.

I don’t care if it’s wrong. I’ve earned this with my strength and magic. I have this right. I’m good. I’m bad. I’m nothing. I don’t evenn careanymore.

Am I insane? No. I’m not insane. I’m justified and nothing else can convince me otherwise.

I’m so turned on by this gift. It’s beautiful. Beuatufil indeed. I’msohappy.

HappyhappyhappYhappyHpppy

  
  
  


Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc 

Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc 

Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc 

Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc 

Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc 

Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc 

Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc 

Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc 

Timeforanotherslavpunishment

Dontyouloveit Ido

Lovelovelovelovelove

Godgodgodgodgodgodgod

I don’t need help. I’m fine. I’m normal.

I’m a gudiance counseller. I know what’s right for everyone.

  
  
  
  


Or do I? I guide others, but can I even help myself?

Godgodgodgodgodgogdgod

Help me pleasehelp me help me

HELPPPPPPelpme

ELPPPPPPelpme

ELPPPPPPelpme

ELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpme

Hahahhhahhahaha

HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs

HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs

HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs

HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs

HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs

HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs

HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs

HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs

Isn’t

  
  


this

  
  
  


happiness?

  
  
  
  
  
  


I don’t know/

  
  


I don’t know.

  
  
  
  
  


WHat’s wrong with me?

  
  
  


Am I BroKeN?

I can’t be/

I know whats best for everyone.

I will never get help.

I don’t need it.

I’m so happy.

You should be happy too.

**Author's Note:**

> To anyone reading: I will consider requests from the comments on any work of mine. However, requests that I accept will probably be faster if you comment them on here:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/21213422


End file.
